revelations

"the artist must prophesy not in the sense that he foretells things to come, but in the sense he tells his audience, at the risk of their displeasure, the secrets of their own hearts."

- R G COLLINGWOOD

.

.

attending Colin Kirton's drama workshop was an eye opener.

art, in its beauty of paintings, poetry, songs, essays, etc is a place to speak the truth.

in indirect ways, it is the perfect place to express real issues which people are uncomfortable with, things which people did not like to talk about and refused to acknowledge.

by not acknowledging the truth, we deny the existence of these real issues.

like Colin pointed out, how many songs are there about unanswered prayers, or a rape victim's pain?

so many times I'd start on blog entries that reflected personal feelings, political issues, stereotypes, etc; but after the post was finished it had to be discarded, because it was either too sensitive or too offending.

art in some ways is confined, when in truth it is limitless in boundaries.
.

honestly, I have found it difficult to acknowledge certain truths about myself and the world.
.

many times I have kept quiet about my doubts on religion, my inner desires, bumiputera issues, etc.

yet doubt is a part of human nature, which is perfectly acceptable if not sociably accepted.

the 7 sins (pride, envy, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath) are called deadly sins for a reason.

but what right do we have to condemn people acknowledging these issues which everyone, even ourselves, face?

back then, I remember how horrified I was at finding out about a friend slitting her wrists;

.

to the guy friend who admitted his secret of his addiction to masturbation.

secrets covered up with smiles, masks, layers, so that the world would be more accepting of the personal individual.
.

personally, I find it ironic how every single day, we struggle to obtain acceptance from people who are facing the same damned dilemna of social acceptance.

so applause and salutations to artists who can indirectly express the truth in metaphors, symbolism, allegories etc;
.

people who create beautiful contraversies to make us stop, ponder, and reflect on lives.
.

life is not a full bed roses.

.

maybe its time I acknowledge and face my own supressed truths too.

hanging by a moment




falling in love is like standing under the hot sun for hours.

you feel unsure and faint on what you're feeling as you stand in the field.

the initial wave of nausea exists in you, but you keep pushing it out, telling yourself you're okay.

for a moment, everything blurs for a while before you regain consciousness.

you're still on your feet, but the mind is saying: "This is not happening."

then a sudden flicker; and the thoughts come rushing in: 'I'm not falling. I CAN'T BE.'

then you go falling, falling... you're not even scared of hitting the ground. you go on with it because it feels so right, with your mind and heart and body tugging at you; you're so into the whole event that everything else doesnt seem to matter...

at the brink of the intense pain that would have come from hitting the floor, someone catches you.

someone reaches out and breaks your fall, because they experienced the same fall too.

(coincidence? luck? destiny?) you both fell at the same time and had each other to hold on to and support.

with the support, you are ready to face the world together no matter what the circumstance.

with each other, you will never hit the ground.

until it gets too heavy and difficult to bear each other;

until it reaches the point where it has crossed the line and can never be overcome;

you both disengage from each other, no longer supporting and having each other to hold on.

WHAM! this time there's no one to break your fall.

you hit the floor and reality comes crashing in.

you open your eyes to the scars etched on your skin and bloodstains on your wounds.

through time, you get up again to continue life with the healing scars, although the wound will never dissapear completely.

and the next time you are on the verge of falling, you are more cautious with yourself.

until the right person comes, the one who will stay throughout every single fall; the one whom you can support and stay throughout with;

you'll keep falling and falling until then...

I could stay lost in this moment

.

Ikano. Curve

'furniture browsing' &

Form 3 music practise

.
.

the plan was to catch up with the long lost aris for dinner before going to supervise the Form 3 music practise at church.

as always, I got pissed mad at his lousy handphone which pms-ed and was constantly uncontactable.

listening to the woman's repeated message of: ''the number you have dialled is currently unreachable..." had been endured too many time throughout the years of knowing him.

so I was mad, mad, mad at him (not the first time) and vowed not to speak to him again (not the first time either), but which unfortunately has never worked out because he could come up with a sugar filled apology and pujuking (ages later).

that moment itself I was on the verge of smacking people, when sin mun called.
.

adventures with sin mun are always completely random, spontaneous and sudden.

3:30pm:

'eve lets go for lunch!'

throughout the journey poor sin mun had to endure the cursing and complaints about aris...

we flew to Ikano where evie decided to be kiamsiap and order a kid's meal.

(tea)

it didnt matter that sin mun's dinner was at 7pm.

guys being guys, with their super high metabolism, ended up eating:-

AND

(geram kat lelaki punya metabolism yang begitu tinggi...)

then we decided to to walk around ikea.

.

wandered around the furniture area and came across tons of interesting features.

there was a table which could be folded into half, so that it could be enough for one person to sit at; when unfolded, wide enough for 2 people.

his awesome philosophy:

'this table is perfect for us guys! we can buy it when we're single. then, we get a girlfriend, walah! unfold the table! then when break up, fold back the table. so wonderful!'

-__________________________-

we checked out kitchens, wardrobes, bedrooms, office rooms, kiddy rooms etc.
.

gorgeous :)

typical girl's bedroom :)

then we walked to Harvey Norman at the Curve

the genius had the wonderful craving to check out FRIDGES.

fridges from all sorts of prices ranging from RM2000 to RM15000.

he would just walk up to the fridge and analyze it so thoroughly that the salesman would hover uncertainly behind, wondering whether a 19 year old could afford a fridge costing almost 10k...

back to the times of sneaking handphones to school

and getting caught for SELUAR LONDEK!

.

throughout the journey back we were singing aloud to Aerosmith's 'I dont wanna miss a thing'

.

the part that killed us was trying to imitate the part: "COS EVEN WHEN I TRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..." xD

6:30pm, got a call from mum saying aris was at my doorstep.

sin mun was so excited to meet his long lost friend; I on the other hand was on the verge of smacking him.

.

so we reached my place and I waited for the lame excuse to come.

aris gave the saddest, most pathetic face and said: "sorry evie my phone battery died, I was at the hospital etc etc etc..."

which would have been effective if it hadn't been used for the umpteenth, God knows what number time!

all the same, merajuking couldnt last long because it had been ages since we'd last caught up.

aris: "you see, you have the priviledge of witnessing me eating Nando's for the first time!"

and also since he'd been sweet enough to help out with the form 3 music practise.

.

the endless times of vowing not to speak to him again would just have to be prolonged... again.

never fails to get me on the verge of strangling him,

but I've missed you :)

diary of life

God made the paper, I hold the pen.

it is my choice to fill this diary with happiness or regrets.

.

.

.

.

every single day of the past has been jotted down as a legacy of my lifestyle;

every single day of the future lies in my hands as the penholder.

external circumstances might affect how I write.

several pages are rough due to circumstances not within my ability.

other people might influence my writing to be in a different colour; a different perspective.

some people will leave a permanent pen mark on my papers.

others leave pen marks that fade in time.

and when the time comes the future pages will tear, when God decides it is the end.

If there was an eraser, I would erase entries of the past.

but no eraser exists for the diary of life.

I can only bookmark pages and ensure mistakes are not repeated in the future.

I can only flip through and reminisce on the memories.

no adding on or cancelling off words written.

time is the essential limit to my pages.

so when my future pages finally tear;

can I put my pen down with the satisfaction of living life to the fullest?

I hold my pen for only once in this lifetime.

will I have written entries that make an actual difference?

no, its not easy writing each page and reflecting on the consequences.

throughout, regrets will remain.

losses and heartbreaks overwhelming.

and if there was a handbook to guide my every step of life, I'd buy it.

but through each jot down of dissapointment, the future pages are filled with courage, strength;

to grow with experience and learn to live with the consequences.

before the fateful day of the end,

I would like to say that I have discovered a meaning to this diary.

I would like to smile genuinely with no remorse at the entries I have written for my lifetime.

in the meantime I'll continue filling in the pages

day by

day by

day.

.

each new page is an adventure.

every diary is a life story worth reading.

angel eyes

.

♥

.

monday. 7 July 2009

ou with yie-ern

.

*warning

this is another syiok sendiri post filled with tons of camwhore pics......

so we both decided it was time to stock up our wardrobes.
.

had lunch at a western cafe named Zuup.

the food was heaven :)

curry laksa behind!
.

then we began our aimless walking spree.
.

the plan was to walk into any clothes with affordable pricing and purchase the clothes.
.

however, affordable for us soon became limited.
.

so we ended u secretly camwhoring in the changing room of super expensive clothing brands, staging loud conversations on: "Are you sure you dont wanna buy that?"
.

syiok sendiri

'modelling' photos...

Padini :)

RM120+ for hawaiian!

sudden craving for stripes

the cliche of best friends dressing alike

xD

overcoats

('evie you look like a sailor!')

overcoats

(vice versa)

we even decided to try on crazy dresses

with prices up to RM600

...

priceless!
(literally, metaphorically)

then it was a sleepover at her place :)

the whole night was spent watching...



midnight snacking...

(the carbsssss!!!!)

heaven on earth :)

and heart-to-heart conversations until 3am in the morning.

(resulting in a half dead evie during lunch with jeremy the next day)

for the dear best friend who is filled with countless unneccessary apologies, I had one of the best times of my life.

thanks for the awesome sleepover! ♥