chemical coma life
reading the
Psychology text for exams brought me down memory lane.
referring to the past blog entry
for all time at
http://evangeliste.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html.
back in
CIMP, we had to complete 10 hours of community service to graduate.
almost a year back,
yie-ern,
nicholas, andrew and I had decided to go to the
Rumah Impian near my place.
recalling the little boy who was repeatedly writing the letter
'n' onto his notebook, with me wondering why he was so fascinated with that consonent.
a few days back, came across his symptoms in the
Psychology text book:
'Sameness and routine are important for autistic children, who become very upset at minute changes. Slight change may evoke a tantrum.'
(Passer, Smith, 2008)
which explains why, when I tried to be smart by writing a
'u' on his notebook, he went off on a 'calling people babi' spree.
the more I read the pages on psychological disorders, the more recognizable they were.
the boy with his hands stretched out the whole time (catatonic schizophrena), the angry Hitler boy who whacked
Andrew on the head (ADHD),
Mei Mei (down syndrome).
what more these situations were real, happening, and 5 minutes away from my house.
one of my girl friends had visited the place before out trip there, which she expressed her shock and dismay at the conditions. she had even left immediately because she could not take it.
truth be told, it was not the most ideal home for anyone.
with the lack of people to take care of almost 50 of them, some were tied to poles to 'prevent them from hurting other people'.
(which I later found out when a particular innocent-looking boy pushed me onto
Andrew)
some of them just sat there with their minds on nothing, as if there was no hope, no spark in them.
others, when we tried talking to them, looked at us with this complete blank look. God knows if they even knew we existed.
after the visit, we went to the top management to get out forms signed as proof for 3 hours completed at the orphanage.
The man in charge asked: were we coming back?
he said: "People don't usually come to places like this. Even if they do, they don't stay for long. These kids just need attention and time spent with them."
it is a complete different story for orphanages with normal kids, who similarly lack resources; but do not get the same recoil effect from people as do special kids.
is it easier to love a beautiful and normal person, as compared to someone special/ugly/abnormal?
maybe its easier said than done by trying not to label or judge people.
between a fat, cheerful baby reaching out for hugs and a small, sulking one engrossed in its own works, it is not the hardest choice for preference.
speaking as a 19-year-old student with no job, a high sense of dependancy on others, and a horrible sense of directions;
is it any wonder that I feel completely, hopelessly, bleakly helpless.
back then it was a question between
business and
psychology, as to which one I could picture myself doing in the future.
this entry is the turning point, a final decision (unlike food decisions, am still hopeless at deciding where to eat).
truth be told, I do not know if this is a momentary, temporary phase.
but right now,
evie's SERIOUS current ambition is to be a psychologist.
maybe, just maybe, there's future contributions that are yet to come :)
secret recipe with 
