every beat of my heart

2011-12-30T02:21:00.002+08:00

Dear dead blog:

2am in the morning and your author is unable to sleep.

In a weird, distorted way, her mind is over-working itself again, indulging in too many thoughts and pondering about life and its inhabitants.

In that same sad way, your author sometimes wonders why she cares so much, followed by continuous beating up (of self by self) for having these doubts.

A young woman aged 21 should be worrying about what to wear, climbing the corporate ladder, Prada sales, etc.

Instead here is your author being a moper, dreamer and philosopher. (rolls eyes)

Here is your author waking up every single day without a clue of how to face the obstacles thrown her way, but is still trying her best, with only God by her side.

Over-sensitive, sentimental, and naive; with countless hopes and dreams and wishes and fears for the future.

In a way, I have missed expressing in you; but not so much the exposure part.

Because I have trouble believing that the world can accept one wholeheartedly, without judging and labeling.

In my life exist irreplaceable people, people who have touched it and left lasting hand prints there.

Yet I have also watched people loved and trusted turn heel and walk away, exposing a side never knew to have existed.

I have listened to words spurned forth in rage, and taken gestures of intentional spite from people who have shared essential parts of my life.

I have doubted and raged at life before, having become the person I am today due to the joys and heartbreaks which have shaped me throughout...

And without wanting to indulge in these thoughts anymore, till the next time I may have the random urge to write in you again, thank you for being a haven for my thoughts and feelings.

Thank you for patiently taking in my random moodswings and loyally displaying my expressive pieces without ever failing me.

Until the next time.

Love, Evie

2011-05-11T02:42:00.003+08:00

compromise

2010-11-01T00:36:00.003+08:00

and I won’t tell no one your name

so Ive gotten my new babyyyyy :D

Samsung Galaxy 5
(still getting de-noobiefied
with the touchscreen lol)

thanks Dad! <3

am depicting signs of homosexuality now because my RIGHT ear-ring dropped off :( so am currently only wearing on the left side. lol.

my social life is down the drain, alongside the facebook fast I have not gone out except to uni and church.

this Halloween I should go out as I am, some kid is gonna scream at the atrociousness of my eyebags.

these few days have dished me the most random, maddest cravings:

from watching movies to waffles, to trudging through snow fields to ice cold showers, writing poems to building fires, to updating this dead blog etc.

my book of 'to-do's' has been filled up; after the exams I am going out to do what I crave and there will be no such questions as: 'is that feasible?' or 'too expensive?' etc.

starting my internship at Jobstreet on November 15, exams end November 10th;

thus its 5 days to get out and do the many things listed in the 'to-do's'.

Expedition Accomplish 'to-do's on the go! :) :)

**************

after the facebook fast and exams, another whole bulk of ancient photos are sitting in my files to be uploaded.

I had no idea that Picasa linked to previously blogged photos, even if the photos are already deleted and not posted on the blog.

looking at these photographs, everyone looked so.......... happy.

maybe its natural that at every pre-click, everyone puts on their best smile no matter what the situation.

back then, I wonder if we knew that these photographs taken would be the only reminder of how good it used to be.

not being bitter because some friendships were genuinely beautiful;

but its strange to see how some people we thought to be the closest to in the past are only acquaintances now; due to distance, time... whatever the reason.

and how occasionally, the people who used to be in the background are the ones who remain as friends until today.

sometimes I wish I could dive back into the photo: recapture the moment, rekindle the laughter.

take a million more photos to remember that spark, flame alight.

flourish a bit more stupid acts, say a few more words of appreciation;

etc etc etc.

through all this, the greatest and most inevitable culprit is time, with supporting culprits of life and growing up;

I think we forgot it was once beautiful.

********************************

half an hour break up, back to studying sighh :(

2010-10-18T15:01:00.010+08:00

light up the sky

Ive just only discovered how to use Picasa! :D

after all these years of noob-ness downloading smaller pictures to blogger LOL.

thank you sincerely for the wishes, smses, calls, facebook comments (although Im still fasting... for now :p), etc.

thank you especially for the calls from overseas, it was wonderful hearing your voices again :)

this year's birthday was supposed to be stuck at home nerding, because exams were in 3 weeks and I had a 40% 4000 word assignment due the Sunday of my birthday week.

so its a wonder these people managed to pull me out and away from the sadness, and was a wonderful time spent even if it wasn't too long spent together.

unfortunately had to miss out on Victor's 21st :( but still managed to hand up the assignment on time!

thanks for the awesome twen-TEENth birthday :) :)

p.s* all tired eyes in pics cos lacking sleep over assignment :(

TGIF's ultimate margarita
who knew the size would be so HUGE!

*no, didnt get tipsy/high/wasted after

standing ground <3

bestie :)
thanks for spending the day together
even when we were so crazy busy!

Skewers
thanks Moo for the wonderful planning :)

what happened on that day stays at the table... :p

Haygee-ah-pee-pee-wai bee-dee-ay-wai!
Thanks ms Wrong! :) :)

OME-ness :D
you girls never fail to make my day,
sincerely :)

Look-out point!

despite the 'ruined surprises',
it was a wonderful time :)

Bangsar
yes, this is what assignments
do to you
:p :p :p

surprise surprise!
:) :)

thanks all for making this
an unforgettable 20th birthday!
:D

<3>

2010-10-14T11:58:00.002+08:00

To: Evelyn

As we observe your birthday now,

Your cake and gifts don’t matter much.
These common things aren’t really you,

Ribbons, paper hats and such.
We celebrate a person who
Brings happiness to everyone,
Someone who gives more than she gets,
And fills our lives with joy and fun.
So Happy Birthday, and many more!
We hope you make it to a hundred and two,
Because we cannot even dream
What life would be like without you,

and I'll like to take this opportunity to wish you...

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! ! !

from: I wonder who?

2010-10-09T15:03:00.003+08:00

tattoo/taboo?

my blog is aliveeeeeeeeeeee......

♪ Frankenstein music ♪

only because Im facebook fasting and there's nothing to do in between. lol.

the old layout of this blog looked so dark and dreary, hence the new happier layout :) although there's no guarantee that this blog will be any less emo...

to destress, Ive been watching glee and blog-hopping, plus trying my best to abstain from facebook.

it hasn't been a total success; I've occasionally 'accidentally' clicked on facebook since making that pledge, then spent an amount of time there before literally pulling myself away.

Its some sort of an addiction towards procrastination arghhh!

*************************************

there have been a lot of taboos in my life.

things I dont talk about because its awkward to bring up, even when its staring me right in the face.

controversial topics like religion, patriotism, etc; but most of all how certain friendships are suffering in silence, to the extent of fading away.

its much easier pretending that everything is alright, rather than facing the reality of a problem.

I used to get upset at CTH's methods when a problem arose; when he would run headfirst for the door and be in total denial about the issue, leaving me stranded in the problem I had no idea how to face alone.

so is it ironic how its an obstacle in my life now, how I don't talk about real-life issues dangling in front of me?

how I myself am afraid to watch the disappointment in someone's eyes, thus running away on first impulse?

truth be told, I would rather close my own eyes toward a problem than to speak of the blame, anger, and disappointments residing within.

because every fight which results from me acknowledging it always results in that sinking, bitter feeling inside the day after.

on the flip side;

I have learnt how thoughts have a way to turn bitter when left alone in contemplation, when the other party shuts you out and leaves you confused and angry.

and by being in denial in certain scenarios; the bitter thoughts in solitude act like bacteria.

growing and spreading in its unattended stage until it engulfs the whole organism.

until it is too late to contain when the damage is too big.

Im sorry how in my cowardice, I hide behind this blog to speak these words, when I should acknowledge it directly with you, him, and her, etc.

but I am afraid of this hurt inside, of how damaging certain words may be if brought up;

I am afraid of losing myself to these drawbacks inside.

************************************

Taboo #3

The past still gets to me as it does everyone,

I’m terrified for you, for us, love.

**************************************

is it me or is this blog going all emo goth again SIGH!

'outdated
but I've missed this <3

2010-07-03T14:33:00.006+08:00

your love is my drug

to update my dead blog;

Ginny is bigger and definitely fatter now :)

walks with her have been amusing and uncertain, with her dragging me to wherever her heart pleases.

although still at that annoying nippy stage;

there are moments when she jumps into my lap with those big puppy dog eyes, tail wagging and occasionally licking when I touch her fur.

moments like these which make me forget the times to clean up shit, spend ages just to catch her after play time, smack her, etc.

BIG TRAIL,
skytrex

went for the skytrex adventure at Bukit Cahaya, Shah Alam with the girls tuesday.

the picture above was the ladder to climb for the BIG TRAIL adventure.

sun mei's sister's friends however, decided they wanted to take the EXTREME CHALLENGE, which was equivalent to expert level.

which had a ladder the size of the picture above for PRE-START/TRAINING purposes.

the real thing was a ladder which bergoyang-goyang at a height of 22m or so, and I literally began praying when I was climbing up.

tarzan swings, monkey bars, flying foxes, even more ladders to climb further up etc.

didnt take many pictures because I didnt want to carry the camera around, and still waiting for some from sun siew's friend's camera.

altogether, it was an experience to remember :)

hello its been awhile :)

Marc's farewell
gonna miss you so much :'(

Genting
the retarded became adorable wolfie
for Amelia before she's leaving me :'(

after exams to catch up with people I havent had the chance to keep in touch with.

sleepovers, mamak sessions, WORLD CUP (grrrr at Brazil), movie marathons, parties, etc.

I've missed all of this :) ♥

2010-06-21T00:56:00.002+08:00

the puzzle piece

this week has been pretty crazy.

ranging from weird dog owners to Uncle Lengchai with Jo-ann, secretly implemented plans for Father's Day, catch up with Denise and Sue, plus studying in between etc;

its been a madly eventful week.

in truth, I am awaiting the holidays due to mad plans and meeting up with friends :)

but also being in desperate need of a getaway, a runaway from everything momentarily.

hopefully the plans to Genting work out!

please please please please pleaseeeeee ;)

♪♫

Don't hang up.
Can we talk?
So confused
It's like im lost.
What went wrong?
what made you go?
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me
Im unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart?
Or did you lie
From the start?
When you said
Its only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
Were unbreakable

Was it something that I said?
was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful.

Ive been told
Whats done is done
To let it go

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cuz im only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

♪ Lesley Roy
Unbeautiful ♫

2010-06-15T19:07:00.003+08:00

holding up the roof

first off, I would like to thank the 'WONDERFUL' person for writing the previous post.

definitely made my day. laughed my head off while reading it LOL!

second off, thanks to the 'AWESOME' person who revamped my blog.

got the shock of my life when I realized how cotton candy-like it looks!

to be honest, its quite a nice a change so it'll remain this way for now :)

despite the fact that emo blog posts would be cliche with such a happy blog skin...

moral of the day:

NEVER BE SO TRUSTING

like the day my dearest Punk came to me with the saddest look:

"Evie ahh... my laptop very lag, can I borrow ur laptop to use?"

and being so innocent and nice, of course i said yes.

thus resulting in mad facebook statuses under Evie's account...

LOOK OUT WORLD, THE MEAN AND EVIL SIDE OF EVIE IS COMING GRRRR

lollol.

on a sadder note, exams have been horrible and sleep patterns gone haywire...

close friends are flying off and leaving me again sighh...

the only bright thing this semester is that bestie's gonna be back soon! :) :)

until exams are over to freedom.....

Something Random

2010-06-09T16:48:00.003+08:00

Note: This post was not written by Evie. I hijacked her computer while she was nerd-ing for tomorrow's paper. Ha. Ha.!

You guys should really see Evie's nerd-ing look, too bad I can't post any pictures of her nerd-ing look otherwise she will murder me big time and I'll cease to exist.

She'll be cooler if she looks like this... agree!?

The reason why I'm typing this post on Evie's blog? I'm really bored... and according to her, her lack of updates is killing her blog... Ha Ha Ha!

I think all those statements perhaps had taken up a quite a few lines, yes its plain crapping and for those who know my writing style, they would actually know who am I... But I shall remain anonymous in the mean time because enclosing my name would spoil the fun. So who is this idiot typing this post?

Well, Evie does call me an idiot from time to times (Because I am!) and her poking is not something you want to look forward to (I wonder is her punishment for her Sunday class's students poking). Anyway, lets not drift off the topic of why am I typing this post aimlessly. The reason, I just finished my mid-term and I can't think of anything better to do before starting on my next philosophy assignment which is driving me nuts with all the abstract thinking. On the other hand, philosophy is interesting because it give you a concept of what is like about ourselves and the world around us. *pause*... go back to the main topic...

Than again, the title of this post is random isn't it? So I guess you guys have to bear with my randomness while reading what I wrote... Ha. Ha.!

As far as I'm concern, most of Evie's posts are constructed with simple words and carry deep meanings. Unfortunately, I'm better off structuring complicating sentences than making up simple and yet meaningful sentences. (I should be a politician, complicating other peoples life, right?). By the way, just so you know Evie actually make procrastinating sounds while studying. She just went from the sofa to the floor and back again on the opposite direction... lol...

I think I shall spare those unlucky souls that is reading this post from further more misery... Just so you know, some parts of this post might be deleted by Evie if she finds it inappropriate for readers under the age of 18... But here's the catch, there's nothing inappropriate at all to begin with, hence there is no censorship... Anyway, all the best to Monash students who are sitting for finals, stop procrastinating and start studying... ha ha ha!

*crap I'm having my finals in 4 weeks time... ==

2010-06-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

like shooting stars

reasons why studying Business and Psychology in Monash has its kicks:

first pic in Monash

from horrible assignments to boring lectures;
heart to heart talks to drives home;
alongside almost every other thing etc
thanks for being there through sunshine and rain :)

printers at Monash:
FAILLLL :p

from bitching about almost everything on
earth to dying over terrible rda assignments,
making mad plans and laughing about God knows what.
she never fails to make me smile :)))))

OME psychology

taking the best spontaneous trips,
laughing over the stupidest stuff.
sleeping throughout the most boring classes
classes wouldn't be as fun without you OME girls!

after class with nothing to do
(and dragging poor innocent ppl around on chairs)

'mysterious, low profile' person
who is slightly less awesome than evie :p
GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!

"eh come we do MACHO pose!"
(Kimmy sesat :p)

the boys in Ms Cathie's class
who always make my day because...
*COUGH COUGH CHOKE* :)

Superwoman, Superman, Smileywoman (yours truly)
& Sesatman (cos tak pakai)

presentations, reviews, motivation!
(yeahhhh)
here's to lame humour :D

thanks for the
awesome semester spent ♥

2010-06-01T00:07:00.008+08:00

unravelled

if I expressed, exhumed, exerted this freedom;

if I spoke my mind and showed my true colors.

if you saw through this mask, this cover up;

would you flinch at what you see?

I hold a smile to cover up this brokenness.

I cower behind nonchalance &

disregard at emotional burdens.

I run at commitment,

hesitating at every few steps.

I bleed, cry, and lose control.

I fear death, rejection, isolation, and heartbreaks.

I worry, think, delve into harbored regrets.

I hold silent grudges, until the pain becomes unbearable.

I label and judge unconsciously,

give up at excessive hardships.

...and the list goes on.

human nature

in all its strength and its weaknesses;

why bother even covering up

and pretending what not?

maybe, just maybe,

you're not so different from me.

we're camouflaging and blending

so the world won't be judge.

but in times like these

when you look at me,

stripped, un-masked,

imperfect as I am;

I hope you'll stay.

no obligations, complications,

hidden agendas.

just plain, sole

sincerity.

I hope you'll find sanctuary in this wish.

I hope you'll share in the joy,

innocent, naive, ignorant in its growth.

I hope you'll take

this leap of faith;

soar through this journey

with me till the end...

...but really,

does that even make sense?

2010-05-20T01:16:00.012+08:00

even angels fall

because I can do the stupidest things in public without fear of people thinking: 'WTH?' with you girls.

ome-ness, screaming, laughing, mad camwhore poses, jumping at snails, gossiping, jakuning, etc.

2 hours before class, the very spontaneous journey for mcdonald's breakfast took place.

the bus driver and mcdonald's staff must have been relieved when we finally left :p

decidedly camwhored till our heart's content.

we only left for the sake of the horribly boring RDA class at 11am boooo.

thanks for the laughter throughout a tiring semester! ♥

mcd's next top models!
:)

'highschool potrait'

wasted we not LALA mui...

animal love!

words fall through me
and always fool me
I cant react;

falling slowly
sing your melody,
I'll sing along

:)